At the time of graduation from elementary school, everyone in the class was asked to write one word about their aspirations for the future onto a piece of colored paper. I wrote "memories". because I wanted to cherish my memories in the future. When I showed it to my father, he scolded me, "Everyone else is writing about the future, so why are you writing about the past?" At first glance, it seemed like a reasonable suggestion, but at the time, I was filled with a sense of discomfort.
 
Now that some time has passed since my parents passed away, when I look back on my family's past, many things, good and bad, are pulled out from the back of my mind. Strangely enough, there are things that I didn't agree with my parents at the time, but now I can see that it was inevitable under the circumstances. I can also understand that they were thinking of me, but our sense of values at the time didn't match, and that's why we clashed. Even now, there are some things that I cannot accept.
 
I have similarly different feelings about human relationships in the past and now. When I was younger, I used to think, "How selfish and cruel could people be? If these feelings become too strong, we can become a complainer who blames others for everything. Everyone is so full of themselves. It is difficult to have a happy ending like in a youth movie, where everyone helps each other, but sometimes they clash, and finally overcome, and everyone comes together. Many people lose out in the competition and have no choice but manage to survive in a limited way. This is the reality. To a certain extent, it is inevitable since we have chosen capitalism.
 
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings. The inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
Sir Winston Churchill
 
Because of this, I try not to expect more kindness from others than I need to. The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment if it does not materialize. Basically, finally, we have to do something by ourselves. But when I am in trouble, I ask others for the minimum amount of help I need, and if that doesn't work, I have no choice. I have such a feeling now through my past experiences and thoughts.
 
As my father said at the beginning of this article, the past can be an obstacle to moving forward if we keep dwelling on it. However, nostalgia, regret, and sadness about the past can also provide hints and energy for the future. I  should not be bound by the past, but I hope to burn it well and move forward.
 
We always have lovers. Her name is nostalgic.
Ernest Miller Hemingway