No.0099：Intolerance: Too Much Annoying Correctness
February 27,2022

I've lived a long time, but I've never seen anyone be coherent before.
Somerset Maugham
 
Sometimes I feel like my righteousness has been violated, and I say something really uncool on the spur of the moment. A gaffe. When that happens, I feel self-loathing afterwards. Neither you nor your partner can be perfect all the time. We can't be perfect all the time, but We want to keep trying to be. If we do that, sometimes we may go out of our way, but for the most part, we will be able to be.There are also people who persistently abuse others from the past, as if it were a fairy tale.  If I were the target of such accusations, I would like to be able to pass it off and be tough enough not to overreact.
 

Sometimes I say too much to my sons. I don't want them to be embarrassed when they grow up. because no one will pay attention to them and they will be laughed at behind their backs.Also, it's not sustainable to keep making mistakes everyday and having to follow up on them every time. In this way, I justify myself and become a nag.  This is exactly the kind of "Too Much Annoying Correctness" that I am talking about. If they were given detailed instructions, they might become boring people who wait for instructions. Maybe they should make more mistakes and try to correct them on their own. Perhaps we should encourage them to grow as themselves by doing so. When I look back, I wonder if I was able to do it properly when I was the same age. I feel like there were a lot of things that were more random and unimportant.... But somehow, it grew on me naturally.  Maybe experience improves us in a positive way. Like a sharp stone on the bottom of a river naturally becomes smoother and more polished after being rolled around by the current for a long time. But there should be more shortcuts, shouldn't there? I can't help thinking about unnecessary things. There must be times when a detour is necessary.

In the past few years, there has been a lot of talk about flames caused by people claiming to be right on the Internet. And it's anonymous. I feel a sense of constraint in the excessive prevalence of niceties. It's too scary to be beaten up for one mistake and end your life. It may sound a little extreme, but I really agree with the point that there is a negative cycle where a person gets involved in drugs, gets blamed by the public, and then turns to more drugs to ease the pain, and what is needed is not blame but support. It is natural to pay for one's sins, but I would like to see as many people as possible recover from their sins and regain their brilliance and give courage to other people who are at the bottom of similar situations. It would be wonderful if they could be like Mr. Kiyohara, the manager of the Giants, or Ms. Valieva, the Olympic figure skating gold medalist.
 
Next, I would like to talk about married couples. We have been together for a very long time, but there are parts of us that can be understood without saying, and other parts that are inevitably different. There are times when I think I am right, but the other doesn't understand. And even if I am right, there are times when the way I communicate is not good and causes an emotional backlash. So don't expect too much agreement from the other side, and be moderately tolerant or you will be hurt.
 
Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterward.
Thomas Fuller
 
I have participated in many IT projects in my life. I have never encountered a project where I did not feel unreasonable at all, whether big or small. I have heard people say that if you are dissatisfied with something, you need to speak up, but I don't think this is necessarily true. Sometimes it's better to put up with things without making a fuss if they don't interfere too much with the progress of the work or if there is a greater benefit from putting up with them. Otherwise, you may become a troublesome person who is always full of complaints and you may lose the opportunity. I think it's cool to accept the inevitability that can't be reasoned with, and pass it on and try to achieve the best results under restricted circumstances. Russian President Vladimir Putin, who is currently the topic of much discussion, once said that a person who can let go of political humiliation for the greater benefit is a tough person, and I think he is absolutely right.
 
I think it's okay to set a line in your mind that you just can't tolerate, and if you go over it, speak up and ask for improvement, and if that doesn't work, leave. It's not a strict line, but it's a fuzzy measure. "You've passed it!" can be judged somehow. By "the little self" in your mind. If it doesn't pass the line, I want to quietly push it to the corner of my mind and leave it alone until it grows bigger. I don't want to become a "complainer" who always blames others or the environment for something, and I want to keep my distance from such people. I want to make sure that I make every effort to improve the situation within my influence. By the way, the other day, I waited in a long line at my favorite restaurant and was very disappointed to find that the ramen I finally got was overstretched. It was out of my control, and there was nothing I could do about it, but it wasn't beyond my line. So I didn't complain and now I don't care. I'm sure they'll give me a nice bowl of ramen next time. Tolerance keeps not only the other person's mind calm, but also my own.